RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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