Don't you send me to vm
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
