Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
