Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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