New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
