all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
