I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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