i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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