In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
