I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
