wat bout pragnant strippers??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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