She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
