Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
