My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
