if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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