My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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