You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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