I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
