She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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