Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
