That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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