i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
