My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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