Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
