that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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