Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
