so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
