I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
