My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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