I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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