we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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