First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
