I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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