Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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