he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
