yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
