My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
