He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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