haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
