I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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