i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
