I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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