do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize