You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone came in the potted fern
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
