Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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