Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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