I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
