The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
