I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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