Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize