I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
