How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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