What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
