tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
