Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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