I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
