do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
