3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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