There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
