I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
