So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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