Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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