Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
