whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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