I wish I could teleport
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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