Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
