You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
