If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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