nut hugger
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
