talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
